Difference between revisions of "Celestial marriage"

From MormonWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
m
Line 1: Line 1:
−
[[Category:Marriage and Families]]
+
'''Marriage''' is an [[IRL meme]] designed by [[Christian]]s to ruin your life. You get nailed to an annoying whiney [[bitch]] or [[emo]] fag for the rest of your life unless you're smart and in it for the [[money]]. Gay marriage is only available in legislative states where same sex marriage is permitted. It is reserved for the pure of heart, that is straight people. Gays are gross, nobody wants them to marry, unless it's two hot chicks, that would be awesome.
−
''Celestial marriage'' is a term used by Mormons to indicate a type of [[Mormonism and Marriage|marriage]] that is designed and destined to last beyond the grave and into the eternities. ''Celestial'' means ''heavenly,'' so a celestial marriage is a heavenly marriage. The marriage does not take place in heaven, but is a type of marriage that is heavenly in nature—it is divine in its origin and potential.
 
  
−
Mormons believe that for a celestial marriage to occur, several very specific things must take place. First, the couple must be sealed in the [[Inside Mormon temples|temple]] by one holding the [[Priesthood Authority|authority]] from God to perform such sealings. Second, the couple must seek, with all their hearts, to individually and jointly follow [[Jesus Christ]]. Third, the sealing must be confirmed by God through His Spirit.
+
== Steps in Trailer Park Courtship and Marriage ==
  
−
==Sealing by Authority==
+
#Man meets a slut on the street
 +
#Woman notices that man has money, so she woos the pathetic man.
 +
#Man bangs up woman, who then sleeps with another guy who doesn't suffer from [[impotence]]. She then gets pregnant.
 +
#Man feels guilty, so gets engaged so he can help raise the child.
 +
#Man gets shackled to his new [[woman|ball 'n' chain]] in a ceremony known as marriage.
 +
#Man finds out his [[bitch]] was cheating on her, so he [[pwn]]s her, generating many [[lulz]] - but she '''was''' [[asking for it]]. He goes to prison and gets [[rape]]d by Bubba. Lulz ensue.
  
−
When Jesus walked on the earth, He gave His authority to various individuals to act in His name. The [[Holy Bible|Bible]] records, for instance, that He ordained his [[Quorum of the Twelve Apostles|apostles]] and gave them the "power to heal sicknesses, and to cast out devils." (Mark 3:14-15) To at least one of his apostles, Peter, he gave an even greater power—that "whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." (Matt 16:19)
+
== Steps in [[Geek]] Courtship and Marriage ==
  
−
This authority and power to bind things on both earth and in heaven is today referred to as the ''sealing power.'' This power, lost after the death of the early apostles, was [[Restoration|restored]] to [http://www.josephsmith.com Joseph Smith], the first [[Mormon prophet]]. That same power was conferred by heavenly decree upon the apostles in these days, and is used to seal marriages. The intent is to create eternal families—the type of families that God wants His children to have.
+
#[[Basement-dweller]] meets [[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]] [[Fangirl]] in #buffy [[IRC]] channel
 +
#[[Basement-dweller]] is awestruck by [[Fangirl]]'s uniquely romantical [[fanfiction]]
 +
#He sends her anonymous virtual roses from the [[LiveJournal]] [http://www.livejournal.com/shop/view.bml?item=vgift gift shop]
 +
#[[Fangirl]] gushes effusively to her [[friends list]] about her exciting virtual flowers, and wonders, at length and visibly, who they are from
 +
#[[Basement-dweller]] finally drops a subtle hint in his own LiveJournal
 +
#They take it to [[MSN]] and he asks for [[pictures plz]] and she sends pictures infected with [[internet disease]]
 +
#They announce they are in [[love]] to their respective [[friends list]]s
 +
#An online wedding is planned. The fact that he is a [[13-year-old boy]] and she is an [[80 year old Chinese man in panties]] seems entirely irrelevant.
  
−
If a man and woman are married by a civilly recognized authority (such as a government or religious representative), then the couple can be sealed together so that their marriage will be "bound" on both earth and in heaven. If a couple was not previously married, they can be both [[LDS Weddings|married and sealed]] together at the same time, consistent with local laws.
+
==Exit Plan==
  
−
Sealings are one of the sacred [[ordinances]] that can take place only in temples. A sealing is considered one of the very highest ordinances that Mormons can receive, and Mormons believe that an eternal marriage is something highly desirable and extremely sacred.
+
In every [[boyfriend|young mans]] life, he’ll wake to find himself with his [[girlfriend]] acting in a very [[16-year-old_girl]] way. Vaguely through the worst [[hangover]] of his life, the sketchy memory of asking his girlfriend to marry him in some drunken mad plan to get a [[sex]] is dragged screaming to the forefront of his mind.
  
−
==Following Christ==
+
There are many elaborate plans to get out of this situation such as [[Suicide]] for example; however a simple fast and painless way to exit is to [[upload]] those [[Porn |Romantic movies]] you made together to [http://www.yuvutu.com/ yuvutu].  Then over a [[romantic]] celebratory dinner explain that now you have the deepest [[love]] for each other, you have decided to [[Feminism|share]] that love with the [[Internets|whole world]] making it a [[THE_PROMISED_LAND|better place]] for your first [[wife]] to live.
  
−
[[Proclamation to the World|Eternal marriages]] don't just happen; they aren't considered a "checklist item" that can be performed at a specific place and time and then be forever done. Instead, eternal marriages are a constant work in progress. While the start of the eternal marriage may be dated to the point at which the sealing was done with proper authority, the couple must live their lives in a way worthy of the blessing of eternal marriage.
 
  
−
How does a couple demonstrate their continued desire for their marriage to be eternal? By following Christ in their daily life. Faithful Mormons who have been sealed together strive to know and keep God's commandments. They try to be like Christ, seeking to be humble, patient, honest, obedient, loving, forgiving, and kind. These are but a few of the godly attributes which they try to instill into their lives and into their [[family]] relationships.
+
==See Also==
 +
*[[Married to the sea]]
 +
*[[Marry Your Favorite Character Online]]
  
−
==Confirming the Sealing==
+
[[Category:Sex]]  
−
 
+
[[Category:Events]]
−
After a couple has been sealed together by the [[Priesthood|proper authority]], and after they have exemplified their commitment to an eternal marriage through their persistent actions, they have the opportunity to have their sealing confirmed by God's [[Holy Spirit]]. This is not an earthly ordinance or experience; it only comes through revelation from God directly to the individuals in the marriage. Such a divine confirmation may occur in this life or in the next.
+
[[Category:Memes]]
−
 
 
−
In many ways, the confirmation of a couple's sealing is a "stamp of approval," given by God, that He recognizes that their union will be eternal. This is the true definition of a celestial marriage—one that has been ratified by God as being in full force and effect not only in this life, but in the life to come.
 
−
 
 
−
==Building Eternal Families==
 
−
 
 
−
The sealing power that is integral to creating a celestial marriage also comes into play with the rest of the family. Children can be sealed to their parents by the same authority, with the expectation that the entire family structure can survive this life and extend into the hereafter. If a couple was sealed together prior to the birth of their children, then those children are, in Mormon terminology, ''born in the covenant,'' and partakers of the divine promise possible through the sealing of the parents. If a couple is sealed after their children are born, then the children can be sealed to the parents in a special ceremony that takes place in a holy temple.
 
−
 
 
−
It is not easy to build an eternal family. It takes [[faith]], commitment, and a lot of hard work. Such a family is viewed, by Mormons, as the desired ideal for their own family. Not everyone is successful, but an ideal is never measured by those who do not attain it. Faithful Mormons have the God-given hope that through the three elements previously discussed they can come as close to the ideal as possible and take part, through God's grace, in the celestial family they desire.
 
−
 
 
−
==External Links==
 
−
* [http://www.ldschurchtemples.com/ LDS Church Temples]
 
−
* [http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/temples/ Mormon Temples] - Lightplanet
 
−
* [http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/mormon/worship/temple.shtml Mormon Temple Worship] - BBC Religion & Ethics
 

Revision as of 22:16, 5 July 2007

Marriage is an IRL meme designed by Christians to ruin your life. You get nailed to an annoying whiney bitch or emo fag for the rest of your life unless you're smart and in it for the money. Gay marriage is only available in legislative states where same sex marriage is permitted. It is reserved for the pure of heart, that is straight people. Gays are gross, nobody wants them to marry, unless it's two hot chicks, that would be awesome.

Steps in Trailer Park Courtship and Marriage

  1. Man meets a slut on the street
  2. Woman notices that man has money, so she woos the pathetic man.
  3. Man bangs up woman, who then sleeps with another guy who doesn't suffer from impotence. She then gets pregnant.
  4. Man feels guilty, so gets engaged so he can help raise the child.
  5. Man gets shackled to his new ball 'n' chain in a ceremony known as marriage.
  6. Man finds out his bitch was cheating on her, so he pwns her, generating many lulz - but she was asking for it. He goes to prison and gets raped by Bubba. Lulz ensue.

Steps in Geek Courtship and Marriage

  1. Basement-dweller meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fangirl in #buffy IRC channel
  2. Basement-dweller is awestruck by Fangirl's uniquely romantical fanfiction
  3. He sends her anonymous virtual roses from the LiveJournal gift shop
  4. Fangirl gushes effusively to her friends list about her exciting virtual flowers, and wonders, at length and visibly, who they are from
  5. Basement-dweller finally drops a subtle hint in his own LiveJournal
  6. They take it to MSN and he asks for pictures plz and she sends pictures infected with internet disease
  7. They announce they are in love to their respective friends lists
  8. An online wedding is planned. The fact that he is a 13-year-old boy and she is an 80 year old Chinese man in panties seems entirely irrelevant.

Exit Plan

In every young mans life, he’ll wake to find himself with his girlfriend acting in a very 16-year-old_girl way. Vaguely through the worst hangover of his life, the sketchy memory of asking his girlfriend to marry him in some drunken mad plan to get a sex is dragged screaming to the forefront of his mind.

There are many elaborate plans to get out of this situation such as Suicide for example; however a simple fast and painless way to exit is to upload those Romantic movies you made together to yuvutu. Then over a romantic celebratory dinner explain that now you have the deepest love for each other, you have decided to share that love with the whole world making it a better place for your first wife to live.


See Also

Retrieved from "https://www.mormonwiki.com/wiki/index.php?title=Celestial_marriage&oldid=11442"