Difference between revisions of "Christian"

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Christ [[fandom]] is one of the oldest [[fandom]]s, with a history that spans continents and centuries.  To insinuate to a [[fundamentalist]] (hard-core) Christian that the [[Bible]] is poorly-written fiction will probably result in you being burnt at the stake.  '''Christians''', like [[furries]], are often very defensive about their degeneracy.
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Mormons believe that the term ''Christians'' refers to individuals who base their beliefs on the teachings of Jesus and who profess a personal relationship with Him. Within that broad definition there is room for a wide divergence of opinion on exactly what those teachings mean and how they should be applied within the life of a professing Christian. Mormons recognize (among others) Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, Protestant, and LDS Christians, with the explicit understanding that LDS Christianity is the [[restoration|restored fulness]] of Christ's gospel. The lives of believing, practicing Mormons represent their affirmation of their Christian faith.
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[[Image:Basketjesus.jpg|thumb|Jesus always liked to bully children.]]
 
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The most important day of the year for [[Christian]]s is Easter-Day when, legend would have it, [[Jesus Christ]] burst forth from a giant chocolate egg to save you from your sins. Except from the sin of being a [[fatty]] and guzzling too much chocolate. Although graphical representations of [[Jesus Christ]] usually depict him with a slender figure, chances are he was a [[fatty]] with body weight dimorphism.
 
  
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Many historians are skeptical of whether Jesus really did exist, but almost all agree that he was a flaming [[homosexual]] if he did. Archaeological evidence suggests Jesus had planted a [[dildo]] [[in the ass|up his ass]] before his crucifixion to give him some enjoyment during the trial that awaited him. The dildo is known as the Lance of Longinus, because it belonged to a Roman soldier of the same name, Lance Armstrong.
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Some traditional Christian sects associate the term ''Christian'' with the acceptance of certain beliefs, creeds, or dogmas. Because Mormons do not accept certain non-biblical beliefs--especially those originating in post-[[New Testament]] philosphical teachings--some in other churches feel that Mormons cannot be Christian. In this regard, they feel that Mormons are not "orthodox." For Mormons, however, orthodoxy (correct beliefs) and orthopraxy (correct behaviors) are always consistent with the revealed mind and will of the Lord. Mormons believe in the concept of continuing [[revelation]], which means that the heavens are not closed and God can still speak to mankind.
  
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According to [[God]], "Christianity is fucking [[gay]]."
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A good definition of what Mormons believe relative to Christianity is found in the [[Book of Mormon]]:
  
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==Christianity LJ Community==
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:And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. (2 Nephi 25:26)
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{{ljcomm|user=Christianity}} is moderated by [[jjostm]], [[ariston]], and [[pould]]. This community is the home of much [[drama]].  Past graduates have included [[purelily]], [[foxmagic]], and [[Nathan Sheets]].  Once upon a time, butt sex used to be the prime object of discussion, but now all "love juice" questions are directed at {{ljcomm|user=christianitysex}}.  Instead, the denizens of this community now get their holy mojo risin' via hilariously pseudo-nonchalant usage of [[Jewish]] and [[Hebrew]] terms, to make themselves sound more "authentic" or what have you.
 
  
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This group is especially useful for those who suspect themselves of being damned. A quick listing of your sins will result in helpful feedback indicating not only which circle of hell you will suffer in for all eternity, but whether your assigned demons will use pitchforks or cattle prods.  
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Christ and his [[Atonement of Jesus Christ|atoning sacrifice]] have been the central message of [[The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints]] from its beginning. Christ has been the central message of all the latter-day [[prophets]] and [[apostle|apostles]]. Indeed, Mormons believe that the cental message of prophets throughout history has been to lead people to Christ. [[Jesus Christ]] is the living Lord of the Church; apart from Him there is no [[salvation]].
  
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The group is able to offer this service through member [[myprophet]], who has announced she is God's appointed voice on Earth. The Pope denies this, saying he is God's appointed voice on Earth. George W. Bush says they are both crazy blasphemers, and he is God's appointed voice on Earth. Attempts to settle the issue through a walk-that-water challenge have as yet been unsuccessful due to scheduling difficulties, however God is quoted as saying "Jesus fucking Christ, I don't know why I bother."
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While there are many that are recognized as Christians by Mormons, the Church of Jesus Christ does not see itself as one Christian denomination among many, but rather as God's latter-day restoration of the fulness of Christian faith and practice. Thus, from its earliest days LDS Christians sought to distinguish themselves from Christians of other traditions. Other forms of Christianity, while bearing much truth and doing much good under the guidance of the [[Holy Spirit]], are viewed as incomplete, lacking the authority of the [[priesthood]] of God, the [[Mormon temple|temple ordinances]], the comprehensive understanding of the [[Plan of Salvation]], and a true understanding of the [[Godhead]].
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The rise of stupidity in the United States has also been found to be proportional to the rise of Jesus tattoos and Jesus necklaces. Most notably, [[George Bush]] has Jesus tattooed around his [[asshole]].  Religious Christians also tend to flock to the South which migh explain why the South sucks so bad.
 
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==Catholicism==
 
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Catholics, or "Cathyz" as they are called [[OL]], are like normal Christians except they live in Pennsylvania and avoid modern devices such as automobiles and electricity. Every year, the Christian teenagers go to Rumspringa, a sort-of spiritual spring-break, where they get to committ crimes and [[fellatio|suck]] [[cock]] without getting in trouble.
 
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You can identify a Catholic girl by her unwillingness to let you stick your penis up her butt.  She will, however, slob your knob like no other.
 
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[[Image:Orthodoxpwned.jpg|thumb|left|Christ shalt not protect ye from wiki vandalism.]]
 
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==Facts==
 
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*Catholic girls swallow [[cum]].
 

Revision as of 00:16, 6 July 2007

Mormons believe that the term Christians refers to individuals who base their beliefs on the teachings of Jesus and who profess a personal relationship with Him. Within that broad definition there is room for a wide divergence of opinion on exactly what those teachings mean and how they should be applied within the life of a professing Christian. Mormons recognize (among others) Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, Protestant, and LDS Christians, with the explicit understanding that LDS Christianity is the restored fulness of Christ's gospel. The lives of believing, practicing Mormons represent their affirmation of their Christian faith.

Some traditional Christian sects associate the term Christian with the acceptance of certain beliefs, creeds, or dogmas. Because Mormons do not accept certain non-biblical beliefs--especially those originating in post-New Testament philosphical teachings--some in other churches feel that Mormons cannot be Christian. In this regard, they feel that Mormons are not "orthodox." For Mormons, however, orthodoxy (correct beliefs) and orthopraxy (correct behaviors) are always consistent with the revealed mind and will of the Lord. Mormons believe in the concept of continuing revelation, which means that the heavens are not closed and God can still speak to mankind.

A good definition of what Mormons believe relative to Christianity is found in the Book of Mormon:

And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. (2 Nephi 25:26)

Christ and his atoning sacrifice have been the central message of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from its beginning. Christ has been the central message of all the latter-day prophets and apostles. Indeed, Mormons believe that the cental message of prophets throughout history has been to lead people to Christ. Jesus Christ is the living Lord of the Church; apart from Him there is no salvation.

While there are many that are recognized as Christians by Mormons, the Church of Jesus Christ does not see itself as one Christian denomination among many, but rather as God's latter-day restoration of the fulness of Christian faith and practice. Thus, from its earliest days LDS Christians sought to distinguish themselves from Christians of other traditions. Other forms of Christianity, while bearing much truth and doing much good under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, are viewed as incomplete, lacking the authority of the priesthood of God, the temple ordinances, the comprehensive understanding of the Plan of Salvation, and a true understanding of the Godhead.

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