Single Adults

Latter-day Saint Single Adults

Among the membership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are many single adults. Single members of the Church, including those who have never been married, are divorced, have been widowed and may have children, or are single parents, serve and worship in the Church alongside other members of their wards and branches.

According to Newsroom, in recent decades, the demographic characteristics of the Church have shifted such that members who are single now constitute more than half of the adult membership.

Those who are ages 18 to 30 have the option to attend either conventional wards or Young Single Adults wards, branches, and stakes. Those who are ages 31 and older attend conventional wards. However, as an exception, stake presidents may recommend the creation of a single adult ward for single adults ages 31–45 according to the guidelines in section 37.5 of the General Handbook.

In an address delivered to single adults on 22 September 1996, at the Salt Lake Tabernacle, then-Church president Gordon B. Hinckley said:

My beloved brethren and sisters, it is a wonderful privilege to be here with you tonight. As you can well imagine, I have the opportunity to speak to many kinds of groups, but there is no group to whom I would rather speak at this time than you. You have come for answers to your concerns and your problems. You have many of them. You want assurance, you want help. I pray for the direction of the Holy Spirit that I may say some things which will be helpful to you.

You are a diverse group. I understand that all of you are over 30. In a sense that is the only thing you have in common, other than your membership in the Lord’s Church. . . .

Though you are so diverse in your backgrounds, we have put a badge on you as if you were all alike. That badge reads S-I-N-G-L-E-S. I do not like that. I do not like to categorize people. We are all individuals living together, hopefully with respect for one another, notwithstanding some of our personal situations.

A Family-Oriented Church

The gospel of Jesus Christ was given by God to bless all His children, without exception, regardless of the family situations in which they find themselves.

In a talk given 26 February 1989 at a Single Adults fireside satellite broadcast, Gordon B. Hinckley then-First Counselor in the First Presidency, said:

Because you do not happen to be married does not make you essentially different from others. All of us are very much alike in appearance and emotional responses, in our capacity to think, to reason, to be miserable, to be happy, to love and be loved.

You are just as important as any others in the scheme of our Father in Heaven, and under His mercy no blessing to which you otherwise might be entitled will forever be withheld from you.

You are precious and important to Him. You are precious and important to the Church. You are precious and important to all of us."

The First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles have taught that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children" ("The Family: A Proclamation to the World," Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102). While this family unit is the ideal, many Church members find themselves in a variety of other circumstances.

Professional football quarterback Steve Young, in a 1996 interview with Mike Wallace on 60 Minutes, gave millions of viewers a glimpse at what it is like to be over 30 and single in the Church. He said, "You want to talk about the pressure I feel? Brigham Young once said 'anyone over 27 years of age that's not married is a menace to society.' So here's my grandfather telling me to get with it. You don't think I feel the pressure? I guarantee it." Although Brigham Young's comment has been quoted frequently, a source has not been found to confirm it. Nevertheless, singles can relate to the pressure Steve Young spoke of.

Because the family unit is central to the doctrinal and social structure of the Church, single members may sometimes feel isolated, deprived, or uncomfortable. Therefore, leaders in wards and stakes are encouraged to know that circumstances and interests of their single adult members are varied, and they need to be sensitive to the fact that sometimes single adults feel out of place when they attend family-oriented activities and classes.

The stake presidency may determine that single adults in the stake need opportunities to come together for service, gospel learning, and sociality beyond what their wards provide. Therefore, the stake president may assign one of his counselors to oversee the work with single adults in the stake and may also assign a member of the stake High Council to assist in this work. A stake single adult committee may be created and that committee may plan ways for single adults to come together for service, gospel learning, and social interaction. Sometimes multi-stake activities are planned. A bishopric may organized a family home evening group for single adults who do not have children in the home or do not live with their parents, but sometimes single adults themselves group together on their own for family home evening, gospel study, and other activities.

Helping Single Adults Find Their Place in the Church

When members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints around the globe gathered virtually for the April 2021 general conference, several Apostles spoke of the need to support, integrate and involve members of the Church who are single.

President M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said that he and his fellow leaders have prayerfully counseled together about the importance of "hope in Christ" to better understand "how to help all who feel alone or feel they don’t belong. We long to help all who feel this way."

Of particular concern, President Ballard said, are those who are currently single. The Church is proactively seeking better ways to help and support members who have never married or who have been divorced or widowed. He said, "The Church wants and needs you. Yes, we need you! We need your voices, talents, skills, goodness and righteousness."

According to Newsroom, the Church has recently expanded the number of callings and assignments in which single members can participate to more fully engage their voices, skills, and talents.

Elder Quentin L. Cook said, "We want you to know that you are loved — and so very needed in building the kingdom of God. For this reason, we felt to search carefully for policies and misperceptions that might limit the Church service of single members. What we found was that Church policy already allows for broad service by single adults — and it could be even broader. … We hope your leaders know to put you to work — including as counselors in bishoprics, on high councils, and as organization presidents and counselors."

Elder Gerrit W. Gong in his April 2021 conference address titled Room in the Inn emphasized that one's "standing before the Lord and in his Church is not a matter of our marital status, but of our becoming faithful and valiant disciples of Jesus Christ. Adults want to be seen as adults and to be responsible and contribute as adults."

President Ballard also cautioned about the labels we give ourselves and others. No marker, he said, is more important than that of being Christ’s disciple and a member of His Church. He continued, "For many years, we have talked about 'young single adults,' 'single adults' and 'adults.' Those designations can be administratively helpful at times but can inadvertently change how we perceive others. Is there a way to avoid this human tendency that can separate us from one another? President Russell M. Nelson asked that we refer to ourselves as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That seems to cover all of us, doesn't it?"

An Apostle's Advice to Single Adults

Elder John K. Carmack, emeritus member of the First Quorum of the Seventy, met his wife at a single adult social gathering. In 1989 he offered some advice to those who are single members of the Church. Although given more than 30 years ago, his counsel continues to have merit for single members of the Church.

• The Church’s primary mission is not to dictate individual decisions or to provide a matchmaking service or organization. Nevertheless, the marvelous environment of the Church can be a great help to you in pursuing your quest.
• Marriage is more likely achieved as a by-product of pursuing other useful activities and goals. while temple marriage and family life would be my ultimate goal, whether in this life or beyond, I would be careful not to make it my central focus. Marriage is more likely to come naturally, from living life fully, than by a direct and pointed campaign to achieve that long-range goal.
• The second major point is to keep a spiritual perspective on life. Paul wrote: “For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12.) He also said: “If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.” (1 Corinthians 15:19.) Judging by surface appearances only, we may sometimes see life as cruel and unfair. I do not find complete fairness in my life or in the lives of those around me. It would be easy to become angry and bitter if I took a short-sighted or temporal view of these things. But I know by inspiration and by scriptural authority that God is both merciful and just. (See, for example, Alma 42.) We just need to see things from his perspective.
• Maintain a loving, tolerant mortal perspective, too. Remember that even spiritual giants begin in embryo. If you are not careful, the ideal—what you hope your spouse will be—can blind you to the numerous good qualities in potential partners. Many eligible Latter-day Saint singles who now might not measure up to your checklist will someday be fine fathers and mothers and respected Church and community leaders.
• If it begins to appear that you will not have the opportunity to marry, continue to be active in good causes, to develop your talents, to improve your mind, to love and serve your friends, and to stay strong and secure in your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Be active in the Church.
• Look outward and away from yourself. Many of us develop the habit of constantly thinking about ourselves, about how we feel and look, or about how we are perceived by others. Constantly looking inward and talking about ourselves is as dangerous as it is boring for those who spend time with us.
• Achieve and maintain self-esteem. It is common to find low self-esteem in the lives of single adults—but it is common among married adults as well. . . . We all need the feeling that we are of value, that we count in life. Single adults need to be especially self-reliant and have healthy self-esteem. Our Heavenly Father can provide that through inspiration and revelation if we stay close to him.

First Face to Face Event for Single Adults Over 31 to be Held in June

On 13 June 2021, Elder Neil L. Andersen of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and President Jean B. Bingham and Sister Sharon Eubank of the Relief Society General Presidency will host a Face to Face event for single adults ages 31 and older.

Elder Andersen said, "We know that many single adults are facing difficult challenges or have questions or concerns." He added that, "the Savior’s love can heal every sorrow. We hope to be able to share the incomparable love of the Savior with our friends around the world."

The event will be transmitted on the Church satellite system, Live Broadcasts page, Face2Face page, Latter-Day Saints Channel, BYUtv, and other channels on Sunday, 13 June 2021, at 4:00 pm MDT (6:00 pm EST, 5:00 pm CST, 3:00 pm PST). Local leaders are encouraged to determine a viewing date and time that best serves the single adults in their area. All single adults who are age 31 years and older are invited to participate.

Single adults make up over 50 percent of the adult membership of the Church. Sister Bingham said, "We look forward to having a conversation with them about their contributions to the kingdom, their capacity to serve others, and their love of the Lord Jesus Christ."

Sister Eubank, a single adult herself, said that she is happy to have this open conversation with other single adults. She commented, "Every member, no matter their circumstances, has so much to contribute and we hope to better recognize this of members of the Church."

Elder Andersen added, "To those adults, whether you have never been married or are widowed, divorced, or a single parent, you are needed in God’s kingdom. We are grateful for all you do to progress the work of the Lord."

Shortly after the live event, a recording of the devotional will be archived and available for on- demand viewing on the Face2Face page, Gospel Media, YouTube, Gospel Library, and other channels.

The Church Releases a New Infographic

Information to Assist Leaders and Young Single Adults (YSA)

External Links

• Misunderstood? Why Latter-day Saint millennials just want to be heard

• Embracing the Unique Needs and Gifts of Single Adults